bad night.

while i was walking home, i smiled to myself.
in hand i was carrying 3 new shirts i bought.
i really like them. and i felt sharp and ready to take on the world.
i dreamt of the steps i will take and where i could be.

and then i reached home to the happy faces greeting me.
teasing me for making such a purchase after getting my first paycheck.

and then i saw a debt that amounted to a ridiculous amount.
my heart sank. i switched on my laptop and there was a loud continuous beep.
my heart sank even lower. wait a minute? what heart?
tonight i feel jinxed. tonight i struggle to fight off the monsters stealing my last breath of hope.

i'm tired. and i haven't been myself.
myself was the smiley fool walking home happily.
only to get crush by the stupidity of sick reality.

of course tmr i'll only know how to move forward.
of course tmr i'll only know how to make things better.
of course tmr i will fail to give up coz i know i can do so much more.
but tonite i falter, tonite i am not that soldier.

whatever squid.
whatever.